Cruelty Has A Human Heart

We're back at the Levittown cocktail party scene. Loretta, sans olives, is ready to converse with her frumpy neighbor stage right while Leroy has his eyes on a seven foot blonde bimbo stage left. Loretta has made it clear she won't tolerate Leroy as much as a modicum of enjoyment, which prompts Leroy to his ornithological comment.

Fifteen Men On The Dead Man's Chest

Once again, the Lockhorns enact their peculiar ritual when Leroy brings home his paycheck, hands it over to Loretta, and then disgruntingly bears the brunt of her humiliating insults. What makes this ritual even more fascinating is that while the check represents Leroy's earnings, it is Loretta who spends it into oblivion when she embarks on her cumpulsive shopping frenzies.

Revelations 13:18

Leroy is intimately familiar with hospital rooms and doctors' offices. If he's not there because of poor health or accident proneness, it's because of Loretta. She has inflicted a rather severe bruise in Leroy's side by trying to beat the fear of God into him, although given Leroy's fragile constitution, it probably only took a couple of discreet pokes. We see that Leroy's personal physician has changed his hair color.

A Life In The Woods

Loretta is creative when it comes to tormenting Leroy. She is dedicated to this task as well, as evidenced by the effort required to wake Leroy out of a sound sleep at 3:05 AM.

Where Is There Dignity Unless There Is Honesty?

It looks like any idiot can start his or her own blog these days; I ought to know. We see Loretta has now joined the legions of bloggers, much to Leroy's chagrin, as he laments his woes to his apathetic neighbor. Indeed, instead of merely listening to Loretta's insults and nagging all day long, he also gets to read them in print, along with the millions of readers Loretta's blog is sure to attract.

I Had Been Hungry All The Years

Loretta takes her turn in the hot seat at the Lockhorns' infamous tall boy desk, where the horrors of their debt ridden financial straits are faced head on, much like an oncoming train. So desperate is their plight that they have to purchase cup holders on a monthly plan. The interest on that transaction alone is probably killing them.

When You Are Old And Gray And Full Of Sleep

Lockhorns Sunday! Does anybody still remember how Truth and Dare is played? Leroy does, and he's playing it right now in Panel One to slip Loretta a backhanded insult about her fashion sense. The Lockhorns' woes with automobile mechanics continue in Panel Two. Given Loretta's destructive tendencies behind the wheel, it's a wonder how the car could last long enough even to allow consideration of its warranty's length. Center Panel has Loretta pining away for the days of youth, before overeating became just another way of escaping the miseries of life. Simply grateful for an edible meal, Leroy happily chomps on his toothpick, as America's favorite couple strolls away from the winner of the 2009 Long Island Association of Restaurateurs Cheesiest Website Award. Loretta's strange mother, a.k.a. "Queen Victoria," appears in Panel Four, where Leroy refers to a big hit 1980s pop tune to insult the old woman's eye brows. In Panel Five, the Lockhorns have gotten together with the neighbors to watch TV, so Loretta decides to set the pace for the evening by beginning immediately with insults about Leroy.