Why, I'm Thirty-nine!

Let us revel. Today's Lockhorns Sunday comics cornucopia begins in Panel One, top left, where Leroy is busy at his trusted iMac, apparently using Google to settle a bet with his neighbor, which is plausible, given Leroy's argumentative nature. Since Loretta embodies every negative stereotype regarding American housewives ever conceived, it's not surprising to learn that vanity toward her age is one of them.

Panel Two, lower left, presents a striking scene that makes me wish that View-Master were still around, and that The Lockhorns were on it. Leroy and Loretta, pillars of Levittown society, attend yet another wedding. Usually Leroy waits until after the ceremony to speak his well known views on marriage, roughly comparing it to a life sentence in prison, or worse. This time he draws the ire of his neighbors by using the ceremony itself as a forum for expounding his philosophy. Loretta, thoroughly embarrassed, tries to save face by admonishing her husband in public.

In Center Panel, we have yet another neighbor paying a social call to Loretta, who nonchalantly saunters by the fireplace, where a shoe on a plaque is proudly displayed on the wall overhead. Naturally, the neighbor becomes inquisitive over such an unusual trophy. Loretta is ready with her clever one-liner about Leroy's ineptitude at angling.

We have parking lot hi-jinx in Panel Four, top right, as Leroy was forced to squeeze into a parking spot only an inch wider than his car, thus foisting upon himself and Loretta the ignominy of using the sunroof as a means of egress. For Leroy, the ordeal is more than worth the effort, just to see Loretta become irritated.

We end with Panel Five, lower right, where the Lockhorns find themselves in a familiar setting, a Levittown cocktail party. Leroy's favorite activity at these affairs is getting inebriated and dancing with one of the many unnaturally towering and tiny-waisted women who always show up as guests. This inevitably provides fodder for Loretta to deliver one of her famous one-liners regarding Leroy's outlandishness to anybody who will listen. The only problem is, her comment doesn't make sense, since crazy is an adjective, and besides, wouldn't Leroy bat third?