To Arms, To Arms! My Jolly Grenadiers!

Given Leroy's notoriety for rankling his neighbors, Loretta should have thought beyond the usual taboos of politics and religion. You can't really blame her, though. In time, the list of forbidden topics will grow as surely as Leroy accumulates more shiners at various Levittown residences.

Vesti La Giubba

Leroy's timing is impeccable. He catches Loretta at the perfect moment to deliver his brilliant coup de pointe. It's his only chance for anything even remotely resembling pleasure this evening, and he's taken full advantage.

Where Have You Gone, Carl Jung?

Leroy hasn't even bothered to show up for the latest session with D. Pullman, Marriage Counselor, in spite of the fact he has to shell out $175 an hour. Considering Pullman's dry, uninspiring manner and Loretta's incessant prattle, thus denying Leroy the opportunity ever to get a word in, it is understandable why he considers the whole thing a waste of time. Loretta remains an avid attendee, peppering her vocabulary with the latest psychobabble.

Give Me A Doctor Partridge Plump

Leroy's notoriously poor health lands him in the hospital once again. Loretta, quite used to this spectacle, is unfazed. Her excessive spending habits necessitate Leroy's being much more wary than your average debt-ridden American consumer.

On The Reef Of Norman's Woe!

It's Lockhorns Sunday! In Panel One, we see that even fashion mogul Loretta, she of the most refined of tastes, is not above donning a low brow "I'm with stupid" T-shirt . Indefatigable Leroy has his say in Panel Two, as he explains the Lockhorns dinner protocol to his guest, who by now has surmised the doom awaiting him. The Lockhorns share a rare moment of tenderness in Center Panel, as Leroy figures he may want to weigh his words more carefully in the future. Panel Four provides a clever twist. It's usually Loretta who drags an unwilling Leroy off to venues of culture, such as art exhibits, only to hear Leroy gripe about the pretentiousness of it all. This time, Loretta beats Leroy to the punch with a clever critique of modern art. Panel Five brings us to the Levittown cocktail party scene, where, once again, Leroy ogles an enormous towering bimbo while straightening his tie. Such lechery does not go unnoticed by Loretta, who promptly hands her drink to her neighbor in preparation for getting down to business.

Where Have You Gone, Ernest Thayer?

Oh, somewhere in Long Island the Christmas star shines bright, The carolers are singing, and somewhere hearts are light, And somewhere men and women laugh, and little children play, But there is no joy at the Lockhorns', especially today! Let's all hope Leroy had the presence of mind to spend verry little on that clock.

To Speke Of Wo That Is In Mariage

Loretta kicks off her Christmas holiday by complaining, for the third time this week, about Leroy's cheapness. It's obvious she talked Leroy into inviting the neighbors over just so she could have somebody to complain to. The neighbors seem particularly morose, but at least Leroy got to spike his coffee with alcohol.